Doritos are buy one, get one free at your local Meijer this week. Do we need to make this against the law? The current crop of Republicans might be so inclined.
In response to the Governor's plan to "get these people some health care, for God's sake, before they drive up insurance costs some more", the Republicans have been forced to actually, like, address the issue, for a change. The way they are addressing it might cause some concern if you value your freedom to take advantage of the free Doritos offer and still get health care through the state.
It seems the Republicans would require that you be healthy.
Ari "Fleischer" Adler had this to say on behalf of Sikkema's office-
Ari Adler, spokesman for Senate Majority Leader Ken Sikkema, R-Wyoming, said any state insurance plan should require participants to lead healthier lifestyles to avoid medical problems. "If you continue to focus on treating people once they are sick, you will never get out from under the health care burden," Adler said.
Because actually treating sick people is the main cause of health care costs. It's a fact. Or, maybe not. Maybe it's the paperwork, I don't know.
But the key word in that sentence was "require". Given that a whole bunch of us Michigan citizens are overweight, and a whole bunch of us smoke and drink, too- that is a pretty tall order. You eliminate damn near everybody, or you create a monstrous bureaucracy. We will get to that in a minute.
Here's Dick, using hearsay as proof that we should just believe what he is saying is true. He does that a lot. He also thinks doctors should just give away medical care for free. Bet they are going to be happy to hear that.
DeVos said he would look at encouraging physicians to provide more free medical care to uninsured individuals, but that those patients in return should be required to take their medications and follow other doctors' orders.
He said physicians who have given free medical care complained to him that those patients often did not follow up on their instructions or take their medication as directed.
"There has to be some compliance," DeVos said.
Just a guess, but I think that the people who are getting anything for "free" right now are those that can barely take care of themselves as it is- mostly the homeless and the mentally ill. Wouldn't you think? Getting them to "comply" might be difficult. Perhaps the "free doctor" can take care of that, too. And, exactly which doctors are giving care away for free? (I'm serious- I need to know. Please tell me. I screwed up my knee mowing my lawn today- I promise I will take medication.)
How can they actually pull that off, "requiring" you to live a "healthy lifestyle"? I've got a few ideas, and the technology is already in place!
Any debit/credit card purchases at the grocery store should be transmitted directly to the state. (I'm sure ChoicePoint has this information already in their database. They know what flavor of Doritos you like and how often you buy them.) The state can then calculate the amount of "fat points" on your grocery bill, sort of like Weight Watchers. Go over a certain limit and before you can say, "Get the door- it's Dominos", a state official will be there with a search warrant for your cupboards and refrigerator. Any food deemed to be bad for you (under the "Bad For You Act of 2006") will then be confiscated, no refunds, you got the "bad for you" list and yet you still bought it anyway. Naughty you.
And speaking of Domino's- since we are already collecting data on the domestic calls of "tens of millions of Americans", chances are the state can just get that information from the NSA! If you have been found to call your local pizza place more than once a month, a list of the toppings you ordered will then be scrutinized for total fat content. You could find your phone blocked from calling any take-out/delivery food places; you'd just get a busy signal and figure they were swamped and give up, perhaps prompting you to get in the car and head for the nearest late night drive-thru to satisfy those carb cravings.
GPS tracking systems can take care of that little problem! The state would require you to install one on your car; they could map out all the fast food joints, and a little alarm will go off at headquarters when you drive in. As you pull up to the order speaker- boom! your airbag is triggered by remote and knocks you out before you can get that Triple Whopper. Employees would then be instructed to push your car out of the lane, damnit, you are holding everybody else up. You can sleep it off in the parking lot. Bet you won't try that again.
Proving that you have been exercising wouldn't be that difficult. Once every six months you could show up at your local Secretary of State office and they will put you on a treadmill, kind of like the "Treadmill to Bucks" in the "Running Man", except they could call it the "Treadmill to Healthcare". They could make you run for the amount of time they deem to be healthy for your age group, maybe do some sit-ups and pull-ups. You remember school Phys Ed, right? Your old teacher probably already works there. They will write down your scores and keep track of your results. If you drop dead from a heart attack during the tests, well, you don't have to worry about health care anymore, do you? See how easy that is? Dress comfortably.
And you smokers- even though you are already paying the big, big tax dollars for the pleasure of killing yourself 15 minutes at a time, thereby saving the government money in the long run 'cause you won't be alive to draw Social Security, well, you're just out of luck, period. We don't care that you have already funded a small town's fire department with your addiction, we will be administering urine tests for nicotine. To get your "Body License" from the SOS, you must "drop clean". Ask your kid what that means. No drinking that funny "clean me up" stuff from the skateboard shop, either, we can tell. Unfortunately, there will be no "renewal by mail" for this one. Make sure and put your tab on a clean, dry area on the lower right portion of your body. Having an expired "Body License" will subject you to fines and/or jail time. And you wouldn't like that.
Of course, all of this will require big spending on the part of the state to actually enforce a "healthy lifestyle", so maybe we should just encourage people in that direction instead of making up a bunch of rules and regulations that people won't follow or will lie about anyway. Kick 'em off any plan because they aren't "healthy", and they just show up at the emergency rooms, with no insurance, once again. We are right back to square one- uninsured Michiganders standing in the chip aisle of the grocery store, deciding what flavor of Doritos to buy.