Monday, June 18, 2007

Senate Minority Leader Mark Schauer commits blogicide

State Senate Minority Leader Mark Schauer tragically committed blogicide today, declaring his support for presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to a group of vehement anti-Clinton liberals who immediately beat him to death with their keyboards. He was 45, and leaves behind a wife and three children.

"We didn't see this coming", his tearful wife told reporters later, "Mark seemed to be in good spirits lately, what with the agreement on that business tax thing and all. We never knew that deep inside he was harboring these thoughts of blog self-destruction."

Colleagues in the Senate praised Schauer's courage. One Democrat, who refused to be identified for this story, tried to warn the Senator before he boldly proclaimed his support for Clinton.

"Those liberals, man, they will tear you right up. Nobody gets them going like Hillary does. It's like throwing raw meat to a pack of hungry wolves. But secretly, we are all glad Mark went first to see what their reaction would be. Now we know to hang back until her nomination is inevitable and they'll have to leave us alone".

Senate Majority Leader Mike Bishop said he was "comfortable" with Schauer's actions.

"Mark Schauer is a great friend and colleague, and as a Republican I'm comfortable with Hillary Clinton being nominated. As you know, there is nothing us Republicans want more than to see Hillary as the Democrat nominee. But if the governor supports her, then I reserve the right to change my statement."

House Majority Leader Andy Dillon echoed Bishop's praise.

"Did Mike say he was comfortable? Well, then I'm comfortable too. Because whatever Mike wants is OK with me. Are you sure he said that?"

Governor Granholm, who had actual meetings with actual constituents today, had only one thing to say about this development.

"Why aren't they working on the budget?", the governor questioned.

Services are pending, although sources tell us that they will happen sometime "next week".

(For the record, I really like Mark Schauer and hope he has a sense of humor.)