Hello. I'm Mike Bishop.
You may remember me from such long-running hit shows as "For the Love of Cassis" and "Father DeVos Knows Best".
If you recall last month, before I took my latest and greatest most excellent vacation, I claimed that there weren't any agreements reached regarding the '08 budget. That big meanie Governor Granholm sent us a letter asking us to cut short our summer break and get our job done. Can you imagine that? Hey, who cares if schools and cities don't know what their budgets are going to look like next year, right? They can wait. They can wait until Oct. 1st as a matter of fact. But she wanted us to get it done now, so I just called her a liar instead.
"There's not any truth in the letter," Republican Senate Majority Leader Mike Bishop told reporters. "There was no agreement, nothing close to an agreement. For her to suggest otherwise is just an outright mistruth."
Now, I was talking about a tax increase agreement, but the way I said it made it seem like there was no agreement about anything all!
This earned me big points with my party, they might even nominate me for governor and everything, because it leaves the impression that the Democrats and the Governor totally rolled over for me on the agreement to solve '07 budget shortfall, and I didn't have to give up anything! I'm calling all the shots! And since my best buddy Andy wouldn't back up the Governor, the Lt. Governor, or that know-it-all Bob Emerson, I've got the green light to continue on making these claims and demanding I get my way! Isn't that cool?
But sometimes I slip. Like yesterday, that Liz Boyd caught me, and she told MIRS about it.
You see, I'm trying to break the back of the MEA, right? Because if I get teachers all depressed and mad and stuff they won't get out there next year and cause us problems in the election. So, I'm going after their benefits. If they have to pay more for health care, they can't donate to those Democrats, can they? You betcha. It's all part of the plan.
First, I make it look like I'm on their side.
According to Bishop, the MEA has been misleading its members, claiming Republicans are trying to completely strip away its benefits.
"They're sending out letters to teachers that say the sky is falling and we want to take away all of their benefits," Bishop said. "I want to make it clear that what we want to do would preserve their benefits."
We loooove the teachers! We're just trying to help them! It's their nasty union causing all the problems!
I know, they probably won't believe that, but I can say it, because I can say anything since no one will stand up to me. Well, that Schauer guy and the rest of the Senate Democrats might, but since the House Democrats won't, I'm in the clear. Isn't that cool?
Anyway, back to Liz. I used a word that worked so well for Godfather DeVos last year. I even shook my head and did that scowl that he has down pat. He still walks around looking like that, so I don't do it very often because I don't want my face to freeze up like his.
Bishop said it was "disappointing" that no Democrats in the Senate would support SB 0418 and that the lack of Democratic support for public employee health care reform showed a "complete breach" in regard to what Gov. Jennifer Granholm has agreed to in negotiations.
Oops. I guess I shouldn't have used the words "complete breach". That tells everyone there were agreements made. Uh oh. Left that door wide open for Boyd there.
Turning the tables on Bishop, Granholm Press Secretary Liz Boyd asked why the GOP-controlled Senate doesn't pass the reforms first. "The Senator says that reforms need to come first," Boyd said. "Why doesn't the Senate pass their reforms? Senator Bishop has 21 Republican votes in the Senate and he only needs 20 for passage."
Boyd also pointed out that Bishop referred to an agreement, after he denied that there had been an agreement.
"I think it's reassuring that Senator Mike Bishop made reference to an agreement, after he had failed to acknowledge that there was an agreement up to this time" Boyd said.
Damn. She busted me. She is always doing that.
Sure wish she was on our side, but we are stuck with Nancy.
Oh well, the regular press will never catch on to this, so I don't have to worry too much.
Just don't tell Dick, OK?
(Also available in green at BFM)