Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Granholm to address the state tonight

UPDATE: Watch the real thing here.

An advance copy was leaked to my fevered imagination-

"Fellow patriots of Michigan, due to our President's wanton and willful disregard of the rule of law, I am announcing that Michigan will secede from the union effective immediately. All able-bodied citizens shall report to the southern border and be prepared to defend our great land from all those people in Indiana who are going to want to come with us.

July 3rd will be our new Independence Day. Since we will still be banking with the United States, whose holiday falls on the 4th, and Canada, whose holiday falls on the 1st, this will allow us to take a whole week off at a time for generations to come. No more will we have to worry about a major holiday falling in the middle of the week.

As you know, I'm willing to go anywhere and do anything for our great state and its citizens, but I'm not willing to put up with the dirty looks I get when I go overseas and tell people that I am an American. I want to be able to tell people I'm a Michiganian. Or a Michigander. Whichever we finally decide on, it's up to you, we'll have a contest or something.

Thank you for your time, and have a great holiday."

No? Oh, alright.

At 6:55pm, on your local channels everywhere, Governor Granholm will be "providing an update on her work to implement her comprehensive economic plan to make Michigan more competitive, and her ongoing 'go anywhere, do anything' approach to bringing new jobs to Michigan".

I guess we got it last night in Grand Rapids because we are special. Nyah nyah. So there.

Actually, what I'd love to see her do is stare at the camera for a few minutes, saying nothing at all, then go over and drop a big rock on Andy Dillon's foot, and then turn and walk away down the path.

That would be fun.