Monday, July 23, 2007

Mike Cox arrests self at news conference

Attorney General Mike Cox held a news conference today calling Governor Granholm's program for the reduction of prison sentences "seriously flawed", pointing out that while he has admitted to committing a felony, no one has bothered to arrest him.

"Hey, I'm still walking the streets", Cox proclaimed to startled reporters, "How can we begin to think about lowering prison time for slug manufacturers when dangerous people such as myself are still roaming free?"

The proposals include eliminating 25 felonies, including adultery, teaching polygamy, dueling, failure to report treason, manufacturing slugs for vending machines, which never works anyway, and divorced people living together, which never works anyway.

"I've been in a duel, too", Cox said, against the advice of his lawyer. "And no one stopped me there, either."

Cox produced a pair of handcuffs and immediately shackled his own wrists, telling the gathered crowd that he would "lead by example". He then walked himself out to a waiting police cruiser.

At his arraignment, Cox asked for bail to be set high. "I'm an admitted felon, I should be held in jail to await trial", the Attorney General told the judge. The judge released Cox on his own recognizance despite the plea, citing a lack of available jail space.

Lawyers for Mr. Cox had no comment.

In a related story, Hell froze over last Wednesday when the Detroit News ran an editorial that agreed with Governor's reduced sentencing plan. Lawyers for Nolan Finley, also, had no comment, but told reporters that he was seeking treatment.

(So pretty in green...)