WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney was told today that Michigan bloggers have launched an ActBlue effort on behalf of congressional candidate Senator Mark Schauer, formed to counter Cheney's fundraising appearance for ultra-conservative Tim Walberg that is taking place this Friday in Marshall, Michigan.
When informed that the total number of donations had reached 11 as of Monday evening, the vice president chuckled, "Eleven? I had eleven bloggers arrested before noon today. We won't be hearing their keyboards clacking anytime soon. Or ever again."
Bloggers were being evaluated at an undisclosed location to determine blood type and tissue compatibility with the vice president, "just in case I need some new body parts" in the near future, Cheney explained.
"No one will miss them. We've done this before without a problem", he said, pointing to his chest.
Congressman Tim Walberg, the "least influential" member in Michigan's congressional delegation in 2007, was reached for comment at a Club for Growth revival meeting and combat training seminar. Walberg said, "I do whatever Dick and George tell me to do. That explains my bottom of the barrel ranking in Congress. Being a rubber stamp for George Bush takes its toll. They called in Dick to raise some money for me, because people in my district need some 'extra motivation' this year. They'll cough up $500 to see the vice president, or else". Walberg refused to define what "or else" means.
Sen. Mark Schauer, contacted at his Lansing office, had this to say about the Cheney fundraiser-
"Dick Cheney represents all that is wrong with the Bush administration and their policies. Their backroom deals on energy and unethical activities have lead to numerous complaints and even convictions. That's why I am asking for your help now with the "The People vs. Cheney-Walberg Challenge". I'm convinced that the grassroots -- and the netroots -- can overcome the deep pockets of Cheney and his Halliburton pals. That is why I am asking you to give $25, $100, or whatever you can afford to let Dick Cheney and Tim Walberg know that Michigan is sick of being left behind by their policies."
Bloggers are being asked to donate at Schauer's ActBlue page before Friday, or in lieu of that, they can provide their age, blood type, and a copy of the results of their latest physical to vice_president@whitehouse.gov, and someone will be in touch soon.