Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Fresh Fish! Here Comes Michigan's 95th Legislature

Leaked from the Michigan Film Office today, with apologies to Frank Darabont:

SCENE - INT - Lobbyists ring the circular balcony in the Capitol Building, looking down to the first floor below. The 95th Michigan Legislature, smartly dressed, is marched in single file, stacks of papers in their hands, apprehensive looks on their faces, wondering why they ever ran in the first place.

CROWD ABOVE CHANTS: Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Fresh fish!

LOBBYIST ONE: Here fishee, fishee, fisheeeee!

VOICE OVER:...and when they put you in that cell, when those bars slam home, that's when you know it's for real. Old life blown away in the blink of an eye...a long cold season in hell stretching out ahead...nothing left but the next two years to think about it.

LOBBYIST TWO: You're gonna like it here, new fish. A whooooole lot...

CROWD CONTINUES: Fresh fish! Fresh fish!

VOICE OVER: Most new fish come close to madness the first night. Somebody always breaks down crying. Happens every time. The only question is, who's it gonna be?

The 2009-10 Legislature starting Wednesday features 46 new members in the House. The 110-seat chamber is led by Democrats who padded their advantage in last November's election.

Democrat Andy Dillon of Wayne County's Redford Township will again be the House speaker. Kevin Elsenheimer of Kewadin is the new Republican leader.

Republicans are the majority party in the 38-seat Senate. Mike Bishop of Rochester returns as the Republican leader and Michael Prusi of Ishpeming takes over as the Democratic leader.

CROWD: Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Fresh fish!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Lansing. We hope you enjoy your stay.

EXTRA DVD Bonus! Andy Dillon speaks to the press! Go Andy!

“We must live within our means while at the same time protecting education, investing in job creation and worker training, assuring access to health care for our most vulnerable citizens and maintaining police and fire protection for our communities,” Dillon said.

That will be a neat trick. Show us how to do it!