Sunday, December 27, 2009

Hoekstra Escapes Terrorist Plot to Keep Him Off the Television

Pete Hoekstra loves to tweet about terrorism. It's everywhere, you know. Around every corner, lurking in every shadow. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And just in case you're not afraid, Pete will continue to sound the alarm until you are!
petehoekstra Administration says attempted terrorist attack. No. It was a terrorist attack! Just not as successful as they (AQ) planned. - 12/25 10:35PM

Hence the word "attempted". But it could have been bad. Pete wants you to remember that. Pete wants you to always remember that.

petehoekstra Let's all be thankful. This could have been a terrible day for Detroit/Michigan/and America but it wasn't. - 12/25 10:58PM

No, it wasn't. But that didn't stop Pete from spending part of Christmas and the entire day of the 26th like some warped modern version of Paul Revere, running to every available form of media to remind you that it wasn't a terrible day, but if you just use your imagination, you can and should turn it into one! Here he is in the Detroit News, "Hoekstra: Attack not aimed at Detroit", the Detroit Free Press, "Hoekstra: Air terror try hints at a larger plot" ( Followed by the inevitable -Napolitano: No sign of larger terror plot), the Associated Foreign Press, "Pete Hoekstra: Detroit terror suspect Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab may be connected to Fort Hood shooter", WOOD TV in Grand Rapids, "Hoekstra: attack attempt cutting edge", and there were probably other appearances that we didn't see because we were too busy checking our basements to make damn sure there were no terrorists down there. Whew.

If you listened to Pete and "connected the dots" like he wanted you to though, this incident was definitely a coordinated plot to attack America involving every known al Qaeda connection in the world, ever, and they are using sophisticated techniques, and the Obama administration just doesn't get it that we should be very afraid, all the time!

But it got worse from there. The real crisis for Hoekstra came later on the 26th, when it appeared that Pete would be thwarted from bringing us his "All Terror, All the Time" message. What would this country do if Pete couldn't make it back to Washington? Would the terrorists "win"?

petehoekstra Going to dc tonight. Flights delayed. Not good. - 12/26, around 5PM.

Oh no! Except... they weren't delayed. Had word gotten out to the terrorists that Pete was a comin' back to DC gosh darn it, and they better drop all their plans? It could be. It could very well be. There is evidence to prove it. There were some long lines reported as people came early in anticipation of security checks (we've been there done that as a travelin' population), but no reports of flight delays to be found, except for those caused by the weather. Matter of fact, the news reported the opposite.

Hoekstra was in Grand Rapids in the afternoon. Assuming he was flying out of the one major airport here....

None of Saturday's flights between the Gerald R. Ford International Airport and Detroit Metro Airport had been delayed or canceled, airport spokesman Bruce Schedlbauer said.

"It has had no impact on flight times here," he said. " I think most are viewing it as an isolated incident."

Surely Detroit Metro would be jammed up on Saturday...

Lines went smoothly after the initial rush Saturday at Detroit Metro, causing "no significant delays," said Keith Jarvie, Transportation Security Administration liaison to the airport and the airlines.

Hmmm. Maybe they were targeting Chicago instead, just in case Hoekstra pulled a fast one...

While Homeland Security officials said Saturday that passengers may notice extra security, travelers at O'Hare International and Midway airports were delayed more by snow than new regulations.


Looking toward the security checkpoint, where the lines seemed no longer than usual, Lewis wondered what the fuss was about.

"Given the proximity of this airport to Detroit, I expected to see a much more prominent security presence today," he said.

Amazing! Well, it's obvious to those that are paying attention to Hoekstra's ego that Pete had escaped the nefarious terrorist plot to keep him away from that bastion of truth and beacon of red, white and blue shining light... you guessed it... FOX News!

petehoekstra Flights co operated. In DC. On Greta's special On the Record at 1015 tonight. Doing Fox Sunday tomorrow morning. - 12/26, around 8PM.

All is well. America breathes a sigh of relief. Pete is back home on FOX. The Obama administration has kept this country safe so that fear mongers like Hoekstra can continue to try and score cheap political points off of his presidency.

And what could be more American than that?