Whereas, To satisfy the media's insatiable need to focus on the trivial aspects of Michigan government so as to distract our citizens from the complex and important issues that our Legislature is currently neglecting;
Whereas, Raising awareness of "Meatout Day" with a front page story will cause undue anger and resentment amongst Michigan citizens towards a subject that would have been otherwise ignored, thereby decreasing their ability to focus on, feel anger about, or organize protests to address the real issues listed below;
Whereas, The citizens of Michigan shouldn't have to concern themselves with the destruction of basic and fundamental needs that pertain to our quality of life, such as, but not limited to: rising college tuition, cuts to funding for K-12 education, the loss of tourism dollars, and the rapid decline of Michigan's infrastructure, or the increasing difficulty in finding both affordable health care and health care providers;
Whereas, In honor of, and to provide another recent excellent example in the prevalence of the Michigan media "shiny object" reporting, we hereby acknowledge that taking pictures of anti-tax snowmen and then neglecting to report a demonstration of actual Michigan parents and students protesting for education funding is precisely the kind of distraction we all need;
Whereas, We know Dawson Bell is capable of real journalism such as reporting that the Senate is considering increasing prison funding without a way to pay for it, but that those stories should be buried so they don't distract from the distraction;
Whereas, This might be the fault of the Detroit Free Press for highlighting "shiny object" reporting in the first place and we shouldn't pick on Dawson Bell even when he perpetrates it;
Whereas, There are certainly other deserving Proclamations that have gone without protest, such as, but not limited to: "Safe Passage Great Lakes Day" and "Earth Hour" that will diminish utility company revenues, and "Problem Gambling Awareness Week" which could damage the reputation of family friendly activities at our casinos, or "Peace Corps Week" which probably has ties to ACORN if you look hard enough or just make something up;
Whereas, We urge the media to report on other Proclamations to protest so Michigan citizens will not have undue worry about the fact that it might take an hour for the fire department to arrive, their kids class size is now 50 students, or they have to replace the entire front end of their car after it fell into that huge pot hole;
Now, Therefore, be it Resolved, that March 17th, 2010, is hereby proclaimed "Media Shiny Object Distraction Day" in Michigan, and all Michigan citizens should participate by finding a media story that will allow them to stay in denial about the lack of urgency in Lansing when it comes to addressing the real needs of our citizens, and misdirect their anger at trivial matters that really don't amount to much of anything anyway.
Amen.
UPDATE: Success! Thanks go out to the Detroit Free Press and the Detroit News for participating in Michigan's first "Media Shiny Object Distraction Day"! As of 1:26PM, both papers have the meat story on the front page, and Michigan citizens are once again distracted from important issues and the fact that the Legislature is wasting their time and taxpayer dollars. Or, as Liz Boyd so succinctly put it, "people may be taking this too seriously." Cheeseburgers for everyone!